I’m having one of those days.  You know the ones.  Everything is blah.  Nothing really matters.  The sunshine has been next to non-existent, which just makes it worse.  When I try to put my finger on the cause of the doldrums, I can’t.  The only thing I can think of is that I just want a hug. 

This summer has been strange.  We haven’t had much sunshine.  Oh, there was as stretch there that had gorgeous weather, and then it turned gloomy.  I don’t like gloomy.  Wait, let me rephrase that.  I like the occasional gloomy day.  They are stay home, curl up with a good book and a cup of coffee or tea, and just read.  Maybe put a fire in the fire place and just relax.  But after two week’s worth of gloom, I just want to give up.  Oh we have had a few nice days, but they have been few and far between lately. 

Before anyone gets their panties in a wad, let me state the obvious.  I am not going to give up.  That’s a promise. 

I decided to look at the weather history for this summer, just to see how far off I am in my grumblings.  I am writing this on August 25, 2017.  Since June 1, 2017 we have had 34 days of sun.   That’s 52 days of rain.  52 days!  No wonder I feel so blah!  And the next 4 days call for rain too! 

I guess I will just keep looking at my fake window on my wall and pretend that I am looking out into a beautiful sunshiney forest.  And I will focus on the words below my fake window.  “Dream until your Dreams come true.” 

I think I’ll dream of sunshine.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  I've heard that so many times.  I've tried to live by it.  I don't want to look back at life and say, "what if....?"  Today is another one of those days.  I stepped outside my comfort zone.  I took a chance, and I honestly have no idea how it will turn out.

My direct supervisor is retiring.  Her position finally posted.  Last week.  Early last week.  It closes at 5pm today. So what did I do?  Yup.  I waited until this weekend to write my cover letter.  And then, when I couldn't get logged in to the application system, I had to finish up today.  During the eclipse.  Why is that last tidbit important?  It's not, I just felt like throwing it in there. 

I am proud of myself for doing this.  Part of me says I have a snowball's chance in Hades of getting this position.  But part of me thinks I will be the perfect fit.  I already understand much of the inner workings of our agency.  I made sure I mentioned that in my cover letter too.

I hate cover letters.  They are so hard to write.  Let me rephrase that.  I hate writing my own cover letter.  I can write about anyone else.  I can take the most ho-hum job and make it sound fascinating on paper.  But I have a hard time glorifying myself.  I honestly don't like to draw attention to myself.  "Oh, hey, look at me!"  "See what wonderful things I have accomplished!"  Not my cup of tea.  Nope, not at all.  I'm more of a coffee person anyway.

So after fighting with the website, and resetting my password several times, I was able to log in.  Then the fun really started.  Someone forgot to update her application.  Someone forgot to update her resume.  Someone had a REALLY hard time finding her resume.  Oh my goodness.  I'm such a dweeb!  After I finally updated all that information, it was time to go through the application process.  Of course, it's not just attach your cover letter, resume and hit submit.  Nooooooo, now you have to answer 20 questions pertaining to your qualifications for the position.  Of course, I couldn't just cut and paste, because, well, I didn't think about it until just now.  No, I answered each and every one of those questions and wrote thought provoking paragraphs as answers. 

And now that the process is over, I don't feel a sense of relief, I feel a sense of peace.  It's either that, or I am so numb from the process that I just don't feel anything.  Either way, I'm not stressed. Either I will get an interview or I won't.  Either way, I have a job, and honestly, it's  job that I love, so I am happy.  However, if something magical happens, well, I'll just say it was because of the eclipse.

Are you up for a challenge?

I feel so deflated.  I watch the news and I am just saddened.  The more I watch the news, the more dejected I become.  Yet I cannot pull myself away.  More violence, more terror, more hatred.  When will it all end?  Why can't we all just get along?

I know I've written about this before.  Today, I don't care.  Today, I just want it all to stop.  Today, I want everyone to just do one nice thing for a stranger.  Just one.  Maybe buy a cup of coffee for the person behind you.  Maybe compliment a stranger.  Maybe just hold a door open.  Maybe pick some flowers and leave them on the doorstep of your neighbor, or even a stranger.  Just do something nice. 

How hard is it to smile?  Did you know it actually takes less muscles to smile than it does to frown?  Did you know that?  Why are you wasting energy by frowning?  There's an old saying, "Smile, it makes folks wonder what you have been up to".  Do it.  Smile.  Make someone wonder. 

Step outside of your comfort zone today.  Even if it is just half a step.  Do it.  Who knows, you may find something comforting and expand your area.  Just try it.  That's all I ask. 

That's my challenge.  Step out, do something nice, smile.  Make the change.  Be the change. 

I have decided I'm going to build a blanket for and go hide in it. 

If only life were really that easy.  I've gotten to the point that I am afraid to turn on the news.  The hatred shown every day is overwhelming.  Everyone seems to think they are the only right group. 

This country was always referred to as a melting pot.  We are a mixture of peoples and ideals.  We are supposed to, emphasis on supposed to, work together for the common good.  We've seen world leaders rise and fall, yet Americans have always stood tall.  Until now. 

I used to picture the term melting pot as a big pot of stew cooking over an open flame.  Everything mixed so well together.  Then someone, somewhere, threw in something that curdled the pot.  Now, we are a bunch of little splinter groups, all believing their little group is the right group; and all the rest of the groups are just wrong.

I used to believe that for the most part, we were all working towards the same goal.  I now know just how wrong I was to think that.  Oh, there are still folks trying to work together to make our country better.  Unfortunately, it seems there are more working  against this than for it. 

Today, a woman lost her life, because some splinter groups decided to have at it.  From what I understand, this was supposed to be a peaceable demonstration against the removal of a Confederate statue.  This is the part I don't understand.  Why did you need to ship in dozens (probably hundreds, but I can't personally verify that, so I'll go with dozens) of protestors? 

We are supposed to be a civilized society.  What has happened?  Seriously, what has happened? 

Now here's another thought.  The North Korean's could very easily be watching all this and thinking they won't even need to nuke us, because we are going to blow ourselves up and they won't have to worry about us.  Okay, it's a stretch, but think about it.  We are supposed to be the powerhouse of the world, and what the hell are we doing?  We are killing each other off, because we cannot seem to get our act together.  Some powerhouse.  More like laughing stock.  I'm actually embarrassed.  Which is why I want to build a fort and go hide.  But I won't.  I'm gong to be an adult.  I'm going to be strong.  I'm going to remember that we are all created equal.  ALL.  I'm going to do my best to set a good example.  Oh, I'll mess up sometimes.  But I will try. 
 

I went camping this weekend.  It started out just the grandsons and me.  I called my oldest and asked what she was doing.  I know that she has 7 kids right now and is always looking for ways to keep them occupied without killing themselves.  I asked her if she wanted to come along. 

We went to my favorite campsite.  Finger Lake State Rec Park.  It's amazing for camping with families.  It's on a lake (go figure), and they have a section cordoned off for swimming/splashing/general water horseplay.  They have a boat ramp and a day use area, which amazingly enough is by the swimming area.  And they have life vests available for boaters and swimmers.  Then there are the campsites.  One side is designated RV/Campers and the other side is designated tent camping.  They have outhouses/pit toilets.  But they are nice.  Cement floors, lots of toilet paper, well ventilated and the camp host cleans them twice a day.  Here's the best part, it's only $25 a night to camp.  It's safe, it's clean, it's family oriented.  And, you have have two tents and two vehicles per campsite, so, that made it even better. 

This weekend was a lovely weekend.  We haven't had many of those this year.  I was blessed two weeks ago, for a lovely weekend for fish camp as well.  That's about all the nice weekends we've had this summer, I think.  Amazingly enough, they have been on my long weekends, so I have truly been able to enjoy them. 

Anyway, I get there first, and pick an awesome spot.  Some shade, some sun, close to the toilets, and not too far from the lake.  So the boys and I set up my tent.  My tent is not one of those dome tents, that you can't stand up in.  I have the Sam's Club instant setup 2 room tent that sleeps something like 10 adult people comfortably.  I know this because I had 9 people of various sizes in there and we still had plenty room. 

My daughter made it there about an hour or so after me.  She got her stuff set up and the madness began.  We got our bathing suits on and went to the lake.  Let the kids splash/swim/cool off.  We get everyone into the appropriate sized life vest, and we let them have at it.  Other folks were there and of course they had cool pool toys.  We did not, because of course, I never bought any.  Silly Grandmama.  The littles finally got cold, so we headed on back to camp to cook dinner. 

My daughter and I pooled our food resources and I came up with a pretty amazing dinner.  And it pleased all 10 kids.  Seriously, all 10 kids enjoyed what they ate.  I had several pouches of freeze dried chili mac, hot dogs, and cup of noodles.  It was awesome.  Then it came time for s'mores/toasted marshmallows.  About this time I realize we are running low on a few things, so I head to the store to grab and a few things.  A few hours later, we finally get the kids down.  Who cares about the amount of sugar they are eating.  We're camping. 

When morning rolls around, neither one of us adults was really ready to take apart the camp.  It was such a nice day, that we decided we needed to stay one more day.  So, back to the store I went.  This time, I came back with pool noodles, because I rock.  We get the kids to the lake and my daughter realizes she is supposed to go to a birthday party.  Great.  Here's the thing.  They party is literally 8 minutes away.  She was calling to cancel, when she found out everyone else cancelled as well.  So, all 12 of us went to the party.  It was amazing.  They had a small pool, slip and slides, a little trampoline, and water balloons.  I stayed away from the balloons, and the kids did an awesome job keeping them away from me. 

Several hours later, it was time to go back to camp.  My daughter took the kids back to the lake, and I cooked dinner.  Here's the thing.  I had 2 pans, 2 coffee pots and a beach bucket that had no handle anymore, along with my cooking utensils, and I had 12 to feed.  This dinner was a veritable smorgasbord of camp food.  We had the requisite ramen and hot dogs, some more chili mac, mac and cheese, baked beans, and hot dogs.  I cooked in shifts and used the handleless bucket as a serving container.  By the time everyone returned, dinner was ready, and once again, all the kids had their favorites.

By now, the kids have made friends with other kids at the campground, and my daughter has made friends with their parents.  Oh, and my youngest daughter makes it out to camp to bring more clothes and meds for the boys.  It's a literal mad house.  Then we find out that one of my kids' childhood friend is camping there with her kids, so it grows even more. 

This is what camping is supposed to be.  Everyone having fun, making new friends, and memories.