Yup, my heart is working this morning.....

Sat down at my computer and checked my email.  Pretty standard thing.  Right?  Saw an email from Apple, saying my info had been updated.  What?  How did my info get updated at 5am?  What the heck?  Logged into my Apple account, which needs 2 levels of security I might add, only to realize that the email I am looking at is from the 14th.  Today is the 22nd.  You do the math, my brain hurts.

So then, before you can log out, you have to verify your information.  Which means I have to go downstairs to find my purse, to find my wallet, to get my credit card so I can find the code on the back of the card so I can save my non changes and exit the program.  Thank you Apple for keeping my life safe.  Now if I could just learn to look at the DATES on the email, I'd be doing much better.

It wasn't a wasted call

So I started digesting the information I gleaned yesterday, and I realized that the phone call was not a wasted effort.  I realized that those 30 - 60 seconds of conversation actually provided a wealth of detail.  Now I may be grasping at straws, and I have not had a chance to run any of this by my ENT, but, hear me out.  When I was going into 5th grade, I came down with poison ivy.  Well, it turned into a secondary bacterial infection.  I remember it being all over my body, from the top of my head to the middle of my thighs.  I remember it going into at least one ear (I keep thinking left).  You know how a riverbed dries and cracks?  It kind of looks like a mosaic?  That's what my skin looked like.  It was nasty.  And painful.  I remember the pain. 

Anyway, the scans my ENT did show mild chronic infection in my mastoid on the left side.  Now, I have no symptoms.  However, sometimes, I get this nasty smell in my nose that I can't get rid of.  What if (and this is a big what if, but it's possible), that stuff that shows up on the scans, is actually scar tissue from that nasty childhood infection, and what if, when the Meniere's kicks in, the excess fluid causes it to soften up, and then the smell come out.  It's a thought.  I know, it's a stretch, but it's worth investigating. 

So, there you have my thoughts for the day.  They are random, crazy, and probably way off base, but I had to put them down, because who knows, they might just lead somewhere. 

I tried

I lost a part of me today, but now that it's gone, I realize how much pain carrying it around was actually causing me.  Now I need to adjust to this newfound freedom. 

I attempted to speak with someone that I hadn't spoken to in about 12 years.  144 months.  Yeah, a long time.  I had some questions regarding some things that happened a long time ago, that I was hopeful they would be able to answer or give me more information.  The conversation went something like this:

Hi, XY it's Cathy, is XX home?
Hiya Cathy! Let me get her for you.

Hello,
Hi, it's Cathy.
<silence> Cathy who?
Seriously, we are going to play that?  Look, I just called to ask about when I had poison ivy so bad.  You see, I'm losing my hearing.   Whatever you can tell me would be helpful, and I won't bother you ever again.

XX proceeded to tell me about the infection I had which is the information I was looking for.  I hung up the phone and tears started running down my cheeks.  You see, the last time I spoke to this person, I told them I was going to be a grandmother.  That did not go over well.  We hadn't spoken since.

At this point, all I can do is pray.  Pray that this person will come to know the saving grace of Jesus.  Pray that this person will realize just what they are missing out on, but most importantly for their soul. 

And as I write this, I feel relief.  Relief in knowing that at least I picked up the phone and tried to start a conversation.  Now I understand.  It's not me.  This time, it's not me.