Mt. St. Cathy

So, I lost it at work today. I am not the one who blows up. Like volcano blows up. I even swore. Like dropped the "f" bomb swore. I don't do that. I try to walk the walk and talk the talk. I'm not trying to sound holier than thou, I just never want to be accused of being a "hypo-Christian".

I had an honest to goodness anxiety attack this morning. Out of the blue. There are some issues going on and there are a few who appear to be trying to write me out of my job, and bring in a former employee. Right now this former employee is working as a contractor and is supposed to be training me in the process of regulatory cost charges from start to finish. I have not yet been trained. I have asked for training. I have begged for training. I have sent in written requests for training. Anyway, today, was the last straw. I went full blown psycho. I detailed my frustration in no uncertain terms to our section manager (someone who is 20 years younger than me ). I held nothing back. I reminded her of a conversation we had a month ago regarding this contractor and how they are not a very good trainer. Her words. She confirmed this conversation. I reminded her of an earlier conversation where I was told I just had to "deal with her attitude". She confirmed that conversation. 

I have tried to explain Meniere's to this person. I have tried to explain that it is a disability. I have filed under the ADA. I am getting all of my disability paperwork lined up. I have tried to explain how bad the brain fog is some days. I have found the apps that sound like tinnitus. I found the "My Meniere's" app that replicates the walking and the vertigo. She chooses not to get it.

  I am not proud of myself. I'm actually kind of ashamed of myself for losing my temper. I say all of this, because I would like you to pray for me. I'm in a rough patch. I've been in rough patches before, and I'll be in them again, it's just nice to know that now there's help to get through them.

So that's my day. I'm not proud of it, but I own it, and I thank you all for accepting me for me.